i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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