Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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