Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All the doctor said was why
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize