my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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