Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
