I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
