I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
