3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
