areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
