Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
