Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
