If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
