I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
