You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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