I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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