If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
