So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize