I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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