i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
