That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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