Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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