I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
