Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so let's talk penis.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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