oh god the rape fog is back!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
