We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
