Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my liver is dry heaving
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