how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
