i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
