I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
