So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
