whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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