WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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