I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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