you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
