how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
