she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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