barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
