Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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