An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
