Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
