My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
