I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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