Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
