i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
