Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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