listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize