I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
