hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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