i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
