Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize