You just made me feel so damn special
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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