Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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