i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My bed smells like the plague
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
