Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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