I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
