I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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