What a fucking waste of an outfit
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
