It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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