awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I checked into jail on foursquare
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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