The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
