At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Life is so much better after having sex.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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