I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
