You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
