Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
