Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
