don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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