Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
