I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
