i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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