Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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