Got a toothbrush?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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