Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
