I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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